Can We Talk About Sex


God in His goodness and grace has given us, humans, a great gift and it’s called sex. This act of pleasure, demonstration of love and believe it or not, an act of worship is about much more than simple reproduction. The Bible discusses many topics and sex is definitely one of those well-discussed topics. This is to be expected. After all, sex is a big part of our lives and God created it. He made it good, so it is good, and He also thought us that when a man leaves his house, he does so to join with his wife and become one flesh.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”- Genesis 2:24

In fact, sex is just a good thing and also terribly powerful so much that God saw fit in His supreme knowledge, wisdom and understanding that it should remain a sacred act between a husband and his wife.

When we think about sex, we often think of pleasure and at times love. Unfortunately, since the fall, we as humans have given into our sin nature, which constantly tells us to gratify the desires of our flesh leading to lust. Let’s not forget all the Hollywood movies, pornography, over-sexualized books and other materials that we see, hear and read in our culture that encourages us to satisfy our needs for sexual pleasure in any way that we can. As sinful, frail, and lost human beings, we often gave in to the way the world presented sex to us. Not knowing better, many of us did not understand or see the value of living out sexually pure.

But what happened after we gave our lives to Jesus Christ?

First of all, when you gave your life to Christ, I hope you understood that it was about more than a simple one sentence declaration as a means to get you to Heaven. Giving your life to Jesus Christ is about recognizing your need for a Savior. Yes, a savior. You were lost, dare I say even drowning in your sins, living a life of unrighteousness and you were an alien to God as a result of sin. When you accepted Jesus’s gift of salvation and his invitation to a personal relationship with Him, you also accepted to lay down your life and begin living, no longer for yourself, but for this very savior who rescued you from the grave and brought you into life.


When you chose Jesus Christ as your savior and consecrated your life to God, you made a statement very similar to the apostle Paul’s (who by the way was no superhero but a man of many weaknesses just like you and I):


“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”- Galatians 2:20

When you live by faith in the Son of God, you also choose to live in Christ’s righteousness and filled with His Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a precious and priceless gift given to us by the Father when we are born again. This same spirit, which was in Christ, now lives in you to guide you into all truth (John 16:13) and empower you to do even greater works than those done by Jesus while he was on earth (John 14:12). As the Holy Spirit operates in your life, He also operates while He lives in you. Through His presence, you have become a precious and sacred temple. Your body is now a temple for the Spirit of the living God.

” Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;” – 1 Corinthians 6:19

Therefore, if you have become alive through Jesus Christ and have become the temple of His mighty Spirit, will you now desecrate God’s temple through sexual immorality in which you walked before knowing the Lord?

By it’s very nature, sex within God’s sacred boundaries and done God’s way is a form of worship. Worship in itself means using all that God has created in ways that honor Him, for their intended purposes. Worship involves our mind but also our entire body. If you desire to be fully committed to worshiping God, hence committed to his design for your life, including your sexuality, you must accept, trust, and obey God’s directive in this area of your life. By no means am I here to judge you. Only God is judge and He will judge His people at the right time. Yet, as one who ignored God’s design and fell in this sin myself once but came to understand the beauty and sacredness of God’s design for marriage and sex, I can tell you that you will never regret doing things God’s way. Your only regrets will come from acting out of ignorance or defiance of God’s word not out of complete obedience.

In fact, when I drew closer to the Lord, he revealed something to me so profound about sex that it changed my life forever. One day, after walking in obedience with the living God, the Father revealed to me that the one I had loved and given myself to did not truly love as he should and neither did I. In my quiet time, God said to me:

“Keshia, if he had truly loved you as he should and as I desire for you to be loved, he would have protected you. The true act of love is not by what he could get from you but from what he would be willing to sacrifice. If he had loved you as a daughter of mine, your relationship to me would have been his priority. If he had loved you as my child, the child of the Most High God, he would have set aside his selfish needs and preserved your purity. That is love. In this same way, you failed to love him as you should. But now, I have redeemed you. “

You see, this revelation and wisdom from God opened my eyes to how important purity truly is, how important it is to live in God’s design for us and how important my motives are for doing the things I do. When we become sexually intimate with another human being on the basis of love, it really isn’t love-outside of marriage. It is lust and it reveals how deeply selfish we are to rob one of God’s child of a gift He has given them and defiling the temple of the Holy Spirit. Our temple and the other person’s temple.

What’s more, when we give in to sexual immorality, we reveal that we have little self-control. As a single person, it is important that you master self-control right now in your singleness. You will need it every day and you will definitely need it in marriage if that should be a journey you step in one day.

In addition to being an act of worship, sex is also an act of love (as we saw within the right context), generosity, and complete vulnerability. We open ourselves up to another person completely revealing the best and the flaws. We serve one another, meet each other’s need rather than selfishly meet our own needs at the expense of the other spouse. Truly, sex is a beautiful and sacred act between a husband and wife. Nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of but a gift we should generously offer to one another in marriage.

But what if you offered yourself one too many times to the wrong people? There’s a bond that sex creates between two people, even soul ties. When we give ourselves to other people (that is other than our spouse), we rob our future spouse of presenting them with a gift God initially created just for the two of us: for your spouse and for you. Truly, it saddens me to have robbed my future husband of this gift and to have robbed God of this opportunity to obey Him and surrender this aspect of my life to Him. Thankfully, our God is still in the business of redemption. Though I will never be able to get back what I have already given, I’m grateful that God released me from the soul tie and has made this body of mine, the temple of His Holy Spirit to be pleasing and acceptable to Him.

Friend, if you’ve fallen into sexual immorality, may you know that God can redeem you and offers you a new beginning. What you’ve done in the past, you need not do again as you did. “You’ve been washed, sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6: 11)

You are offered forgiveness if you confess your sins and repent. Repentance means turning away from your former ways, it means to seize at once what you know you ought not to do and begin to walk in the light.

As you know, we cannot walk in darkness yet claim to be in the light. God will not stand for it.

“If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” -1 John 1:6


If you have not fallen in sin in the area of sex, may I encourage you to continue on the path of purity. By doing so, you honor God and come into agreement with Him that His design for your sexuality is the best design. Through this act of obedience, you demonstrate that you need not necessarily understand God’s ways to obey Him and you trust Him. You trust His wisdom and you honor the sanctity of the Holy Spirit abiding in you.

Off course, do not think that remaining sexually pure while giving into other sins makes you holier than another. Sin is sin. If one remains sexually pure but his heart is filled with hate, that will not get you any favors with God, of that you can be sure. After all, God examines the motives of the heart.

While we know God as our loving Father, we must never forget and separate Him from His holiness. When we focus on God’s love and forget about the fact that He is a Holy God, we can often excuse our behaviors as a result or claim to love Him while still living in ways that grieve His heart. When we focus on God’s holiness yet forget His love, we tend to live in a legalistic manner having only a form of godliness. However, when we remember that God is love, God is loving, and God is Holy, we will seek to love Him, honor Him and live by following His every word through faith in Jesus Christ.

So as you remember that God loves you and indeed He is crazy about you, totally passionate in His love and pursuit of you, remember also that He is a Holy God. Sin and God cannot dwell in the same place. None can think to live a lifestyle of sin (sexual or otherwise) and think to see the Kingdom of God. As a teacher of His Word, I would be wrong not to warn you of these things. Take careful consideration of 1 Corinthians 6, as it states in verses 9 through 20:


Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Friend, God has rich blessings for you beyond your imagination when you choose or decide to follow His design for sex. Sexual intimacy is a gift He created and blessed for you and your spouse. He truly wants you to enjoy it, His way.

Ladies, if he cannot love you enough to wait at the right time, under the right circumstances, then he cannot be trusted to treat you as God desires Him too. He cannot lead you as He should. Just ask yourself, “if God gave me away as His daughter to a man, would He give me away to this man?” A man with little self-control and who does not protect your relationship with God first. How then shall he be a high priest in your home? True love is when he seeks the Kingdom of God first and that also means seeking God’s ways when it comes to sex.

And men, if she really loves you, will she not care about how sex outside of marriage will affect your relationship with your Heavenly Father? Does she not also care about the Holy Spirit living and abiding in you richly? Though she may be absolutely beautiful, remember the words of Solomon to his son (after he had made his shares of mistakes): ” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30).

So today, I leave you with this. Sex is good. Sex is God’s idea and creation. As such He has supreme authority over how it should be used. Can we, mere humans as created beings think to tell God how he should have designed sex? Surely not, that would be foolish. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, seek His will and His ways in all you say and all you do even sex. When you invite Jesus Christ into your sexuality, you can trust that the intimacy you will experience in marriage (if that should be for you one day) will be unique. Now for us singles, God is fully aware of the self-control He requires of us in this season. He does not say not to desire sex or think of it. No, sex is still good and in this season, we can trust that our desires will be met in God’s ways and time. Even if some of us may not wish to marry or may never marry, we can trust that Jesus Christ will meet and does meet all of our needs and for the physical needs that are not met here on earth, He gives us grace for that. So continue, continue to walk in all godliness and purity for “[God’s] divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3)



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