If you’ve lived long enough to be at least in your twenties, you’ve probably experienced some things that have shaped you and wounded you deeply. As you meet people, your past and the wounds you have yet to heal from will affect those relationships. You just don’t realize it. But if you look closely enough, if you take the time to search within your past, you will find something at the root of all your issues whether it be a failed relationship, broken friendships, family tensions or else. You just have to be willing to look deep and desire to be delivered from it.
So singles, it’s time to heal. It’s time to learn from your past and be free. It won’t be easy but it will certainly be worth it, for you and for your future relationships. In our course section on healing, I will dive deeply into the process of healing and deliverance but for now, let’s go through some of the basics.
Begin at the root
God is our ultimate healer, our balm of Gilead. The Bible tells us that God is our help and our shield (Psalms 33:20) and He delivers us out of all of our afflictions (Psalms 34:19). He is simply amazing. In your healing process, He is your help, He is your shield protecting you from the ultimate damage you could endure, and He can bring you out of dark places. But to heal from your past, He needs you to collaborate with Him in this process. He needs you to give Him the things that are hurting you and causing you pain. But how can He do that if you don’t hand them over to Him and release them?
And to do that, you need to begin at the root of the issue.
Look back at your relationships and painful experiences, what did you go through? What are the names of these experiences? Name them. Did you suffer from any form of abuse?
You may be surprised to find that your experiences have specific names. One of mine was called Emmanuelle, a childhood friend who decided to end our friendship.
What are some of the feelings these experiences left you with? Is it rejection? Abandonment? Anger?
What are some of the results of these feelings? Is it lack of trust? Low self-esteem? Bitterness? Unforgiveness? Anger?
Do you suffer from parental wounds such as the absence of a parent like a father or a mother? Or even parental wounds from what did happen between you and your parents?
Is there anything you need to repent off or confess? Are you holding on to idols in your heart?
You are going to have to revisit your past and it may not be pretty. But once you identify your experiences, name them, and write them down, you can give them to God, give yourself grace and begin to heal.
Don’t blame yourself or others
Healing from your past and being delivered is not about assigning blame. When you look at your past, try to do it without wondering who caused this relationship to fail?
You will certainly remember that someone hurt you or you hurt yourself but be quick to forgive yourself and others. Being unable to give yourself grace can become your greatest hindrance through this process. If God can forgive you as soon as you repent and confess your sins, you should do the same too.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Counseling is not for the weak; it is for the brave. It is for those who are willing to confront their lives, acknowledge their past and walk out of it. It is for those who can examine themselves and learn from their experiences. Above all, it takes courage to ask for help.
Through my own experience, I learned that counseling could assist to do a deep work that you might not otherwise do. It can also support the work you may already be doing. Don’t wait for things to get out of control to seek help, be proactive. Even if you have absolutely no issues (that you can identify), you can find counseling to be extremely beneficial. Best of all, it’s a judgment-free zone so you can freely share your thoughts, experiences, and emotions with someone else. Remember that “where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors, there is victory” (Proverbs 11:14). So don’t be shy to look for help. If you would seek help with your physical health either through doctors or fitness trainers and such, how much more should you care for your spiritual well being. Christian counselors, coaches, and pastors can assist you so seek help.
It’s a process
Remember the story of the woman with the issue of blood in Luke 8. That woman had been bleeding for twelve long years, searching desperately for a cure, in need of health and spent all she had. For twelve years, she had to be patient, and she had to endure being secluded from everyone. Her process was not easy. Day after day, she searched for cures, she went to the best doctors, all kinds of doctors, and she hoped thinking today may be the day I find healing. Well her process was long and certainly tiresome. Yet, she never gave up and when she heard about Jesus coming through her city, she did not hesitate to go find him because she had faith that she would be healed if she could only touch the end of his robe. Well, friend, this is you today. You need to reach for the hem of Jesus’ garment and touch him with a special touch that will cause Jesus to say: “Who touched me?” (Luke 8:45).
Your healing process is just that: a process. Throughout this process, you need to be patient like the woman with the issue of blood and give yourself grace. This is so important. As you navigate through this process, it may be painful for a time like it was for that woman and you might want to give up but don’t. Hold on! At the other end of this process, there is healing for you through Jesus.