For as long as humanity has existed, singleness has been a season of every human being’s life no matter how short or long. From the Garden of Eden, God created Adam and he too went through a season of singleness.
Genesis 2 relates to us how God created Adam out of the dust from the ground. For a period of time, “the Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it” (Genesis 2:15 CSB). Adam was in the garden in charge of the animals, the fish, the birds, and every living thing. He was made to have dominion over them. For a season, Adam had his own period of singleness where all he did was tend to the things God gave him dominion over and spent quality time with God. Eventually, God decided and recognized that “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (verse 18).
Just like Adam, David, the man after God’s own heart, also went through a season of singleness. All he did during that time was tend to his sheep. So you see, you are not alone in going through this season.
What we actually can learn from the two men and from many of the faithful people of God is that singleness was not a curse or an unwanted gift as we so often think of it in the 21st century. It was definitely not a time for idleness. This season of life brings a unique opportunity like no other to:
- Spend time with God
- Spend time getting to know yourself and your purpose
- Focus on the assignments God has given you
- Get rid of the sins in your life
- And heal from your past
God wants you to take full advantage of your singleness to focus on giving your heart to Him. Once you are grounded and have built a strong foundation with God, then He will lead you to the right person if it is your desire to marry. But you’re probably wondering why? Why couldn’t God let me get closer to Him and someone else at the same time? Why does He insist so much on me being single? What does He want me to get out of this season of my life?
An Undivided Heart
Once you add another human being into the mix of your relationship with God, your heart becomes divided. Look at Adam. Once God gave him Eve, his desire was no longer simply for God but it became for his wife Eve as well. Adam’s heart was so divided that He chose to eat of the fruit of the forbidden tree knowing that He’d be violating God’s direct command. He loved Eve so much that He risked forever with God for her, knowing that she would die from eating of the fruit of the tree. How little trust in God? Adam did not recognize that the same God He loved and who had given him this woman could surely give him another or something else if it came to it. Let’s not be so quick to judge Adam though because when we are dating or married, we surely follow his pattern every time we compromise on the things of God.
However, the point is that your heart will be divided. During your season of singleness, you can learn to trust God and build a bond with Him like at no other season of your life. It is in this sphere of your life and its circumstances that God can draw closer to you and connect with you without any distractions. This is when He calls you to “abide with me” (John 15:4). In this season, you can spend more time in God’s Word, spend time getting familiar with His voice, and pursue the things that are pleasing and honoring Him. This is the time to build your faith and your prayer life. Too often, our faith is feeble and weak. God takes you through this season so you can exercise your faith as if it were a muscle that needs constant training because “without faith, it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews 11:6). So really singleness is a gift that God is giving you: the gift to know Him better.
Get to know yourself
Singleness is often an opportunity to really get to know who you are. While single, it is the perfect season of your life to uncover your true self, your personality, your interests, your strengths, and weaknesses. Too often, we wait to be in a relationship to find out who we really are and our personality and individuality get mixed or blend with the other person’s because we want to please them and we desperately want the relationship to work. Even worst, we never take the time to discover who we are before entering into a relationship. When was the last time you looked at yourself and thought: I love myself and I’m perfectly secure in my identity.
When was the last time you took yourself on a date? Yes, you heard me. Take yourself on a date. Before someone else can enjoy spending time with you, you should enjoy spending time with you and know what you are about. You should experience joy, peace, love, and happiness with yourself without anyone else by your side. Marriage will not bring these things into your life. It’s not some kind of magic bullet and that’s why God wants you to know who you are before you enter into a permanent covenant with someone else. He wants you to know your worth so that you won’t believe others when they try to define your worth. Most of all, God wants you to know your purpose.
Understanding your purpose is crucial so that you can walk in the fullness of who God is calling you to be. If you don’t understand your purpose as well as your calling, you will inevitably come into a relationship with someone else that doesn’t know theirs and cannot be a helper to you. You see, Eve’s role was to be a helper to Adam. She knew her purpose and Adam knew his. By supporting Adam, Eve was helping Adam in the garden to tend to the things of God. God created both of them for a purpose, and with purpose. Nothing was left at random. So why should you leave your life up to chance or make uneducated decisions? Get to know whom you are and you may find that who God made you is pretty incredible and for greater things than you could have ever imagined.
Focus on your calling
Every one has a calling. Webster dictionary defines the word calling as “a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence”. Essentially, it is the course that God is calling you to follow to fulfill the assignment He has for you. It is in this assignment that you need to operate. You see, every one is called to do something for God whether it is within your church, or outside in your community, and in the world. There is a way that God is calling you to impact the world that is absolutely unique to you. No one else has the ability to operate in this calling in the exact way that you do. For instance, God might call you to be a preacher or a missionary or He might call you to help women or men in a particular area of their lives. Whatever your calling is, it will be linked to helping others. Most importantly, it is connected to your salvation and will require that you fulfill the assignment that God has given you.
So you see, singleness is not a passive season. It requires you to be very active. If you fulfilling the assignments that God has given you, you won’t have any time to sit around and do nothing. This is also a season when you are operating in your gifts and talents: discover your gifts and talents and use them to serve God and serve others. How you serve others with your gifts is important to God. Not only that but this is a season when you should be focused on becoming better and more like Jesus, exercising your faith, helping others, etc. It’s a season of growth and wholeness.
The gift of protection
By allowing you to remain single, God is essentially protecting you without your knowledge. Yes, protecting you. God knows that marriage may not be for you right now. You see marriage will not enhance your life but it will reveal the true you. It will expose you for who you really are. It will expose the sins that you have not given up, your selfishness, your pride, your immaturity, etc. All these imperfections you are trying to hide, marriage will only rip the veil that you use to cover them. Therefore, by keeping you out of marriage season for a time, God is protecting you from the possible catastrophe of a broken marriage that could result from you not dealing with these areas of your life before you enter into marriage. So take time in your singleness to work on yourself, to collaborate with God to become who He created you to be, to know His heart and His will for your life, and accomplish His purposes. Look at this season for what it truly is: a gift from God. And the ultimate gift in this season is God himself: being able to have more of Him and look into His heart.