In part 1 of this article, we looked at a few reasons why God is allowing us, rather encouraging us and exhorting us to be single for a season.
If you haven’t looked at part 1, I encourage you to do so before reading this article.
As you walk in your singleness, you have a unique opportunity to take a good look at yourself. Your singleness is like a mirror, reflecting the things about you that need to change. Like every person, I’m sure you must be struggling or must be challenged with a particular sin. Don’t despair. Stay encouraged. In this season of your life, God wants your attention and He is equipping you to kill the sin(s) you are dealing with.
Killing Your Sin (s)
Sin is this ugly thing that holds us often hostage. If we let it, it will govern us and have complete dominion over us. That was never God’s plan for you that’s why He sent his Son to free us from the burden of sin. The Word of God tells us that:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
The ugly truth about us, single people, is that we often live a life of passivity, not doing anything or little about our sins in our singleness. If we are selfish, rather than ask God to help us overcome our selfishness and do something about it, we prefer to remain selfish thinking: “I don’t need to change for anyone, the problem is not me. It’s you”.
In my case, for example, I used to be an impatient person. I was confronted with this dark reality in one of my dating relationships. It took absolutely nothing for me to get impatient with my ex. Unfortunately, this sin did not die or disappear simply because I got into a relationship. Oh no! That relationship only exposed my sin. God had to show me that my season of singleness was the best time for me to deal with the sins of my flesh. Though my spirit knew better, my flesh was different. This war within me was intense and God wanted to teach me how to claim the victory in that warfare. You see, Jesus has already overcome the war against the evil one and sin but it is up to us to claim the victory and follow His example.
It is imperative not to sweep our sins under the carpet. All it does is pill up under the rug all the things we need to deal with. And surely what you don’t deal with in your singleness, you will have no choice to deal with in your dating relationship or worst in your marriage. God has given us everything we need to fight sin. He has also taught us that if we should sin then we must confess our sins and repent of them. Not only that, but He also admonishes us to live guided by the Spirit rather than live guided by the flesh. In 1 Corinthians 15:31 Paul said:” I die daily” so this is what we need to do as well. Kill our sins, starve our flesh and let ourselves be guided by God’s Spirit.
Healing from your past
God is such an awesome God. Before we know what we need, He knows what we need and if there was ever a reason for our singleness, it is certainly for us to learn to deal with our past and He knew that before we ever came to this understanding.
We all have a past and a few skeletons in our closets for sure. There are things we are not proud of, things we said, things we did, and things others did to us. All have left wounds that we may not have dealt with. God knows it. In our season of singleness, God tries to expose to us all the things that we still haven’t dealt with. Whether it is unforgiveness we still have towards someone, abuse from our past, wounds left by a parent (absent or present in our childhood), we all have something that we did not heal from. All these things can break us or make us. If we don’t confront our past, we will inevitably bring the baggage of our past into our future, consequently into our dating relationship or marriage relationship. Now imagine if you and your future spouse both do this: that is a recipe for disaster and it can easily harm your relationship. Most importantly, God knows that if we don’t deal with our past, we will never truly be whole and He desires for us to be whole and that our soul prospers.
So for the sake of being truly whole and coming into a relationship whole with as little dark clouds over your head as possible, take advantage of your singleness to deal with your past. Though it will leave some scars, that’s alright. Scars aren’t wounds. A scar lets us know that a wound was there but healing has taken place. It is your sign of healing and victory. So seek God for deliverance from the things of your past by embracing your singleness. The process may be painful and uncomfortable, and it may require that you be stretched like a rubber band but don’t worry you won’t break completely. God’s got you. He has not brought you this far just to leave you.
So when you think your singleness is pointless, think again. God has much that He wants to teach you and do with you and through you during this season. Embrace the process; embrace this season.